Money Talks: The Surprising Emotional and Practical Secrets Behind How People Really Track Their Money
How Do You Manage Your Money and Family Finances? Insights from Groundbreaking Research on How We Really Handle Our Finances
"There are some questions on money and finances that you need to answer in the affirmative if you're to be successful with money."
Introduction: The Money Taboo—Why We're All Failing at Finance
Imagine this: You check your bank balance, wincing as you see another month of overdraft fees. You tell yourself, "Next month, I'll budget better." But deep down, you know that's a lie.
Sound familiar? You're not alone.
Money is one of the most emotionally charged, poorly understood aspects of modern life. We think we know how to budget, spend, save, and invest—until we end up living from hand to mouth, drowning in debt or shocked by a dwindling retirement fund.
Managing money has long been viewed as a matter of discipline, education, and good habits. We assume that once we master budgeting, understand compound interest, and avoid debt, we'll be set for life. Yet, for all our financial knowledge, even the most literate among us stumble—falling into debt, making poor investment choices, and finding ourselves emotionally distressed over money.
Money is one of the most pervasive yet least discussed aspects of our lives. We make financial decisions every day—whether it's buying coffee, paying bills, settling bus fare or investing for retirement—yet many of us avoid deep conversations about how we manage our finances. Why? Because money is deeply personal, emotional, and often tied to our fears, aspirations, and even our identities.
Consider Charlotte, a 34-year-old single mother of three, juggling four jobs just to stay afloat. When researchers asked her to draw a "map of her finances," she sketched a storm cloud looming over stick figures holding flimsy umbrellas—her jobs. The image wasn't just about numbers; it was a raw depiction of her anxiety, instability, and the emotional toll of financial stress.
Or take Allen, a 27-year-old lawyer drowning in $125,000 of student debt. His financial life revolved around this burden, straining his marriage and shaping his self-worth. Despite his high income, his emotional relationship with money was one of dread and guilt.
These stories come from a groundbreaking study by Joseph 'Jofish' Kaye, Mary McCuistion, Rebecca Gulotta, and David A. Shamma, titled "Money Talks: Tracking Personal Finances". Their research reveals that how we handle money isn't just about spreadsheets and budgets—it's about emotions, habits, and often irrational behaviours that defy traditional financial advice.
So, how do people really manage their money? What tools do they use? And why do even financially savvy individuals make decisions that seem illogical? Let's get right into their surprising findings—and what they mean for your wallet.
What Does It Mean to "Track" Money?
We tend to think of tracking money in technical terms—using Excel sheets, budgeting apps like Mint, or even good old notebooks. But what does tracking money really mean to people?
The key insight from the research is: To many people, tracking is more than numbers.
The study found that people don't track money solely to monitor balances or to know how the numbers stack. They track it to understand their values, make sense of uncertainty, plan for the future, and support relationships. In fact, participants in the study often used tracking as a coping mechanism for stress, created rituals around checking finances, and engaged with emotional and historical memory tied to money.
"Tracking practices are as much about interpreting and understanding money as they are about accounting for it."
The Emotional Side of Money: Why We Make Terrible Financial Decisions
Money is deeply personal, but it's also social. From paying family bills to planning a wedding, our finances are tied up with other people. We are sometimes caught in other people' lives at the junction of money. Most of our money decisions are emotion-laden. They are laden with the emotions of fear, guilt, memories (both good and bad), sentiments etc.
The study found that people frequently make financial choices based on emotions rather than pure logic. For example, meet Allen, a 27-year-old lawyer with $125,000 in student debt. His entire financial life revolves around this debt burden. He often had anxiety over it. Despite earning a good salary, Allen's student loans dominated his financial identity. He described his debt as "always looming," affecting his marriage and spending habits. Allen's "financial map" was a pie chart dominated by debt (see below).
On the other hand, Bonnie, a 57-year-old government employee took extreme pride in couponing and saving—a habit rooted in her parents' Holocaust survival story. Her thriftiness wasn't just practical; it was emotional. Meanwhile, Joelle had what could be described as 'Emotional Stocks'. Despite having a professional financial advisor, she kept certain stocks separate because they were tied to family memories.
The researchers identified that emotional and interpersonal factors drive how we relate to money. People talked about 'feeling shame for poor financial decisions', argue with spouses about spending priorities and avoiding financial tools that reminded them of past trauma. They describe their financial life with metaphor like: "I feel like I'm bleeding money", or "I'm just treading water."
The key takeaway is that emotions trump logics when making money decisions. But recognizing them is essential to improving your finances. Money isn't just numbers—it's tied to our past, fears, and self-worth. Recognizing this can help us make better decisions.
Want to learn more about emotional investing mistakes? Check out ">The Truth About Crypto Investments: Gains and Losses.
Tools and Rituals: How Do People Actually Track Money?
Budgeting apps may be popular, but the research found people were surprisingly selective and emotional about what tools they used. Most people don't use fancy budgeting apps. Instead, they engage in "financial touch"—a quick, daily peek at their bank balance to reassure themselves they're not broke. Based on the study, 8 out of 14 participants checked their balance daily—but none used tools like Mint or Quicken regularly. They hated its auto-categorizations and feared possible security risks.
Participants in the study identified the following money tracking tools:
- spreadsheets, favourite due to flexibility.
- Mobile apps (e.g., Mint): Useful, but often abandoned after a while.
- Bank websites: Often the first port of call.
- Paper records: Especially for emotional or historical tracking (weddings, mortgages, etc.).
- Mental accounting: Surprisingly common.
These participants also created habits or rituals such as:
- Reviewing finances every Sunday with a partner.
- Keeping a whiteboard in the kitchen to track shared expenses.
- Using color-coded categories in notebooks.
These rituals were not just for organization, but for peace of mind.
The key takeaway is: No single system works for everyone. The best tool is the one you'll actually use. But people still trust 'pen and paper' more than apps—because it 'feels' real.
Data Visual:
(Insert table comparing tracking methods: Digital vs. Paper vs. Mental Tracking)
| Method | Users | Pros | Cons |
|---|---|---|---|
| Digital Apps (Mint, Quicken) | 2/14 | Automated, comprehensive | Privacy fears, rigid categories |
| Paper Systems | 5/14 | Tangible, customizable | Time-consuming, no backups |
| Mental Tracking | 7/14 | Fast, no setup | Prone to errors, stressful |
Most Common Financial Tools
- Daily Balance Checks (57%)
- Handwritten Notes (43%)
- Spreadsheets (29%)
- Budgeting Apps (7%)
(Curious about how payment methods affect spending? Read ">The Hidden Cost of Convenience: Why Your Contactless Card Could Be Making You Spend More)
Planning for the Unknown: Fear and the Future
Money is not just about today. It's about planning for the unknown: emergencies, job losses, retirement, ill-health, children's education. This fear of the unknown drive many of our financial behaviours, from oversaving to avoidance. For example, Charlotte, a participant religiously monitored her credit score, timing payments to avoid dings. Yet, like many, she didn't fully understand how credit scores were calculated.
Participants in the study didn't just want to know what they spent, but whether they were on track for future goals. They used tracking to:
- Create "what-if" scenarios.
- Visualize savings progress with graphs.
- Reassure themselves that they could weather a crisis.
But most were aware that no plan is perfect. The idea of resilience was more important than rigid budgeting. Education and small steps (like automating savings) can help.
For tax-related tips, see ">Nigerian Withholding Tax (WHT) Explained: Key Rules on Base Amount, Timing Rules, and Exemptions.
Poll Results:
Further Reading:
How Should You Manage Your Money and Family Finances: Financial Literacy vs. Financial Wisdom?
Many people in the study had read books on finance. Some had business degrees. Yet they still made what they considered poor choices. Why?
Because knowing and doing are different. Life is messy. People overspent during emotional lows, lent money they knew might not be repaid and invested without due diligence. This highlights that financial wisdom—the ability to navigate real-life situations—is more valuable than textbook knowledge.
So, how should you manage your money and family finances?
- Know your "why": Money is a tool. Know what you're using it for. Is it for a comfortable life? Security? Freedom? Fun?
- Create simple rituals: Don't aim for perfection. Pick a day in the week to review finances. Use tools that feel natural to you.
- Involve your household: Everyone should know where the money is, how it's managed, and how to make decisions.
- Track with purpose: Whether it's an app or a notebook, make sure the goal is clarity. Don't track everything—track what matters.
- Acknowledge emotions: Be emotionally aware. Ask yourself always: "Is this spending decision based on logic or emotion? Fear, shame, anxiety are some of the emotions that underpin our money decisions—don't suppress them. Work with them.
- Plan for uncertainty: Have an emergency fund. Get insurance. Think in scenarios (i.e., if this happens this is going to be its financial implications). Write a letter to your future self about your financial goals.
- Grow financial wisdom: Mistakes happen. Learn from them. Stay flexible. Stay curious.
Conclusion: Rethinking What It Means to Be "Good with Money"
In conclusion, what does this mean for you?
- Your Money Habits Are Emotional – Debt, couponing, and splurges aren't just about numbers—they're about fear, control, and identity.
- Apps Won't Save You – People prefer pen, paper, and daily balance checks over Mint.com.
- The Future Terrifies Us – We either obsess over credit scores or ignore retirement.
But in all these, the biggest takeaway from Kaye et al.'s research is:
Money is messy. We're all a work in progress when it comes to it. There's no one-size-fits-all solution since it's more about emotions, habits, and fear. And there's no app or budget rule that can solve every financial challenge. Instead, managing your money and family finances requires self-awareness, open communication, regular reflection, flexibility and emotional intelligence
In today's fast-paced, uncertain world, it's not just about how much you earn—but how well you understand, engage with, and adapt to your financial reality.
So, the next time someone asks, "Are you good with money?", maybe the best answer isn't a yes or no—but a story of how you've learned, stumbled, adapted, and kept going.
Now, over to you: How do you handle money? Share your stories below!
Data Visuals & Tables
Participant Demographics
| Age Group | Pseudonym | Income Range | Key Financial Stressor |
|---|---|---|---|
| 20-29 | Steve | $18K | Unemployment |
| 30-39 | Arturo | $75K | Retirement fear |
| 40-49 | Jane | $90K | Family finances |
| 50-59 | Bonnie | $60K | Frugality obsession |
| 60-69 | Doug | $150K | Managing trust funds |
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